Reflecting on My First Year as a Twitch Streamer

The past twelve months of streaming on Twitch have fundamentally changed my relationship to video games, and now that this first year comes to a close, I think I have learned a few psychological impacts of streaming that might be helpful to pass along. Formerly, video gaming was mainly a private activity confined to my personal time alone, working my way through single player games. Shifting to a lifestyle where I regularly play video games in front of a live audience has somewhat changed my player motivations. This isn’t always true, but trying to grow a channel comes with the cognizance of overly planning what you play through next. I now prioritize plot over exploration. I personally prioritize blind first playthroughs, because I have such an immense backlog of untouched but purchased games. These shifts have made me realize aspects of my personality that didn’t seem obvious before.

I am a fundamentally impatient person and I always have been, but streaming has made me hyper-aware that I can improve my patience. I think back on games that I’ve played like Celeste, Firewatch, and Vampyr. One of the primary reasons I detested these games was due to my impatience, which was heightened by the meta-realization that people were watching me play these titles. I hated Celeste when I played it on stream – it’s difficult, unforgiving, etc. – and yet, once I beat the game, I started picking it up off stream for fun. I realized the game is better for me if I play it in short bursts of 3-10 minutes than if I stream it for 3-5 hours. With Firewatch, I got lost at a point early on and lost patience with the game design, thinking, “Why doesn’t this game have a compass?” Retrospectively, I would have loved this game if I wasn’t speaking with chat and trying to balance atmosphere with discussion. And with Vampyr, so much of that game builds itself upon dialogue options. I bypassed the majority of those options once I adopted the mentality that I was ready to beeline towards the game’s conclusion so I could move on to a game that was more fun to stream in front of other people. Not all of this is self-consciousness, but each experience streaming taught me something about myself that I am still learning independently of video games.

Streaming has also made me realize that I genuinely love connecting with new people. I have always been the type of person to maintain about 5-10 close friends, rather than socialize with many people. And I was content to keep that circle small. Streaming on Twitch, especially with the immediate support of the Epilogue community, sucked me into meeting new people who I, in turn, began watching. Nearly everyone I have met has shared a positive attitude and passion for games that invigorates my own. Until doing it myself – as well as watching Ben Vollmer – I didn’t understand why people watched other people play games. At least in my case, it’s the wonderful people I’ve met along the way that have kept me going through this first year.

As of May 29th, I am writing at the year mark of being a streamer who plays games. I’d like to curate the top ten most gratifying playthroughs I’ve completed on stream, both as a record to look back upon as well as a recommendation to other people looking to stream. This list doesn’t necessarily represent a comprehensive review of any game’s quality, rather I focus on games that were the most memorable to stream. They speak to my temperament as an impatient but curious person.

10. Late Shift

This game makes the list because I have recently taken a keen interest in the Full-Motion Video (FMV) genre, and found this title to be weak but unforgettable. I am intrigued by projects like Black Mirror’s interactive “Bandersnatch” episode, and Late Shift promises similar narrative agency. You control live action, pre-filmed footage of actors who have to make on-the-spot, pre-determined but dynamic choices that have high stakes consequences. The FMV genre is underrepresented in the world of video games, and I had a lot of fun working my way through a Telltale-styled choice-based world. I hope the FMV genre grows, even if Late Shift can be a little corny and underwhelming.

9. Cuphead

Cuphead absolutely broke me. Difficulty in video games isn’t something I ever seek out or enjoy – in fact, I default to the easiest difficulty in any game, unless it locks content behind the difficulty setting. But I picked up Cuphead for the unbelievably unique and lovingly-crafted vision of the game’s art style. Somehow I beat the first boss on my first attempt, and I think that was the only first-try victory for the remainder of the game. King Dice’s endurance battles at the end literally took me three separate streams to complete. But my reaction when I finally received the victory cry, “KNOCKOUT!” justified every single raging tear.

8. God of War (2018)

I know a lot of you will righteously protest the 2018 game of the year recipient earning a spot towards the bottom of this list, but hear me out. God of War is certainly deserving of the plethora of awards that it continues to receive. Playing this game on stream was a great experience, with surreal and epic moments that caused me to burst out laughing simply due to the absurd grandness of scale that each major encounter presented me with. I even garnered the confidence to tackle all of the Souls-like Valkyrie boss encounters on stream after the credits rolled. That said, God of War failed to hit me emotionally as a narrative experience. I wasn’t moved by the game, just satisfied. Regardless, it easily earns the top 10 in this list.

7. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Readers of Epilogue will be intimately familiar with my absolute adoration of Breath of the Wild. (See my 5/5 star review.) In every way, I could gush about this game. So why am I ranking it so far down on this top ten list? The experience of streaming Breath of the Wild was a bit maddening at times. This game absolutely encouraged growth to my channel, bringing in new faces from around the world. But I met someone new during every single stream who took it upon themselves to try and backseat my playthrough, telling me what to do next or where to go. It exhausted both my mods and myself to the point where I’ve now added a “no backseating” tag to each stream. I have never been so pestered by backseating until this playthrough, and that besmirched an otherwise glorious playthrough. Still, I loved every minute of the game itself.

6. Wandersong

My friend and fellow Epilogue member, Drathjosh, gifted me a copy of Wandersong without me having ever heard of it. When someone gifts me a game, I feel a respectful obligation to play it on stream. Knowing nothing, I booted up the game and entered a rainbow world of joy unlike anything I have ever played. Every moment of Wandersong had me smiling, laughing, or welling up with emotion. In terms of animation, music, cinematics, plot themes, characterization, and beyond, this life-affirming game hit me in all the right places, serving as personal proof that games can be cheerful and optimistic.

5. Psychonauts

After much encouragement from my friend and Epilogue member, RoyMaster4, I decided to pick up a copy of Psychonauts. Somehow I missed this game in my childhood, but it was a gem that I don’t think I’ll ever find the likes of again. It hearkens back to a nostalgic period of the early 2000’s Nickelodeon-esque 3D platformer aesthetic, which is something I wish would make a resurgence. (Psychonauts 2 hype, anyone?) The sense of humor throughout the game’s clever dialogue packs a punch that I didn’t anticipate. Everything about Psychonauts was equally fun as it was bizarre. It became an instant classic, even if the ending platforming sequences wrecked me.

4. Undertale

I can’t remember why I decided to buy and play Undertale. I never saw a trailer, I don’t think any friend ever suggested the title, it was just one of those games that people always mention as “game changing.” So I went in, as most players do, not knowing all the narrative genius in this game. I had no idea that multiple playstyles were possible, that different endings were possible, and I immediately fell into the trap of behaving as I would in any other game. Undertale wasn’t simply a great game, it was a great game to stream. A lot of people in our community were collectively making jokes and reacting in concerted ways to my decisions throughout the story. All the way till the end, I felt a certain enthusiasm that almost no other game has matched. Undertale is truly a perfect experience, on stream or off.

3. Night in the Woods

Night in the Woods is a story that I wish would go on forever. The game spoke to me on a deep level, indirectly asking me questions about my own lifestyle, situation, and the choices I was making. As a millennial, so much of the world feels unmade for me – and yet so few games address that feeling. So many business models, cultural customs, existential priorities, and even causes of mental health, have changed the way the world operates. We are finite people encountering a chaotic world with limited resources who are vulnerable but disconnected from so much of reality. I am so grateful to my friend and Epilogue member, Spygina, for gifting me this gem. Night in the Woods felt like a chapter of my life, and I don’t think I’ll ever recapture the feeling of that first playthrough on stream. It held a perfect balance between story and gameplay.

2. What Remains of Edith Finch

As with the rest of this list, I had minimal expectations for what to expect in Edith Finch. I knew the game was a “walking simulator” of sorts, but didn’t prepare to engage on a dark, profound, sequential story that would leave me in emotional tatters. My heart swelled up through this game as I lived and relived the death sequences of an entire family. The premise of this game was so curious to me: a family that seals off rooms upon their inhabitants’ deaths. I ended my stream with puffy eyes and something nearing a spiritual silence that very few games have ever reached in me. It also had instant replay value. This is a game that I am grateful to have played with people that I care about watching, because it helped me process the loss that this game left me with.

1. Chrono Trigger

Chrono Trigger marked a period in my newly found relationship to streaming where I felt as though I finally became my own person. With Chrono, I began actively looking forward to each coming playthrough, and authentically reacting to a game for which I had no expectations. For me, Chrono offered the right balance of fun, action and dialogue. The music was some of the best I have ever heard in gaming, which made the ten thousand fights throughout the game actually bearable, even when grinding. This game instantly registered as a classic to me, which was also confirmed by the many new people around the Twitch community who introduced themselves to me and were stoked to see someone experience their childhood favorite for the first time. I completed my playthrough with a feeling unlike any other: the feeling that I just experienced a part of culture that I missed as a kid – and that everything in this initially missed experience still held up to scrutiny even today.

Feel free to join me as this list expands.

My advice? Streaming is not for everyone. It takes a lot of mental energy. It costs money. It takes time. But it has all been worth it for me.

Maybe streaming is something you only do once a month. Maybe you stream every day. Maybe you prefer to hang out and just chat with other casters. If you decide to stream, most people will recommend you stick to a schedule for growing your channel. It’s equally important that you pay attentions to your emotional and mental health, taking days off for self care. If you decide you want to monetize your stream, you’ll need to strategize for growth. Again, it’s equally important that you stay loyal to your friends and followers alike, whether they can monetarily support you or not. Much of streaming is a dichotomy for me, a balance worth learning.

Whatever the case, I can’t recommend streaming highly enough. It has changed my life, my friendships, my relationship to video games, and opened my mind up to ways that make me hope to become a kinder, more patient person – both with games and other people. At this rate, maybe I will finally polish off that backlog one day.

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